Lost in the Waves of Life

5 mai 2009 at 14:49 (Poésie)

Here it comes, the realisation of life & all it’s vunerability. I’m swimming in it, I can taste it on the tip of my tongue but I havn’t drowned yet. The current is running fast now, taking me with it. But it hasn’t clicked in my head just yet that I should steady myself in the waves. The thought is there to stay on the look out for that floating log to latch myself onto safely, introducing control & direction to the unknown. But I repeatedly convince myself that the water is warm & safe. I let myself be pushed along by this unstoppable force; no destination, no purpose. Naïvly challenging the current of life. Being the foolish teenager that I am; always believing myself, my body & mind invincible to all obstacles that are constantly thrown my way.
Of course there is worry, there is pain & there are those moments of abandonment when I let myself go numb & motionless. Being dragged around against my will as I gasp for air. Everything suddenly feels heavy, everything is sinking slowly; that’s when fear kicks in & control feels lost. But just hold on & keep your head out of water. I feel the urge to gain control back, & here I go again fighting against the current, challenging it. This false control.
Fighting is only going to exhaust & weaken me. True control is realising that time cannot be stopped & some things cannot be changed no matter how much you fight it. Control is grabbing that log when it floats by & holding on. Control is being stable in the strong current; adapting to it, living with it & not against it.

EmiiBee

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